Obsession vs. Enjoyment: Where's the Line?

I have always been very passionate about the things I enjoy, whether that be music, video games,

hobbies, or even relationships. There is usually a point, however, when something I love becomes something I obsess over, and what was once fun becomes an indirect source of frustration and stress. With such a fine line to tread, my life is a constant navigation of obsession and enjoyment and when to notice the shift.

I was diagnosed with OCD in early adulthood, but have had the disorder for most of my life. Stepping away from the stereotype of being a "neat freak," "hypochondriac," or just "super organized," my symptoms tend to rear their ugly heads when I become engaged with something new. Along with being a naturally dedicated person, I am also very emotional, something that can often be intensified when a hobby or like becomes an obsession.

OCD manifests itself for different people in different ways, but for me it often shows itself in a few consistent traits:

• Loss of sleep, caused by either engaging with an obsession or nonstop thinking about it.

• Interference with work and school, as I often ignore my responsibilities to engage in the obsession.

• Repetitive thoughts and thought patterns, an unforgiving cycle that does not relent until I act upon the thoughts, which leads to both:

• Inability to think about anything else, with only having small moments of other thoughts that can even result in forgetting to stay hydrated, and

• Compulsive responses, varying from engaging in the obsession to performing seemingly unrelated actions or thought processes to stop the spiral.

• Burnout of the obsession, where I have to take extremely long breaks from things I once greatly enjoyed.

• Overwhelm and inability to try new things, as the thought of repeating the cycle is too exhausting to bear.

One of the biggest examples of a love-turned obsession I have was when I discovered "Weird Al" Yankovic. I would listen only to his music for nine hours a day every day for almost four months straight. While anyone can enjoy an artist to a more intense degree, I knew this had become an obsession when it impacted the rest of my everyday life.

Work became difficult: I could only think about engaging with every song and piece of content the artist had put out, and I would become frustrated when I had to do anything else. It was harder to fall asleep as my mind would race about all that I had learned or seen, and times when I should have been sleeping quickly morphed into more time for me to engage with the artist's media. My life quickly shifted from enjoying a new (for me) music artist's work into an obsession I could not get under control.

This is one of the more extreme examples in my life, though that cycle has occurred many times in varying degrees with other interests. I am now and have still been able to enjoy his work, though I did experience a period of burnout where I hardly listened to his music. It took a while of navigating, but I eventually found a way to enjoy Weird Al's work without becoming totally encompassed by it. I did not even realize at the time how obsessive I had become, only realizing after I had come out the other side of burnout.

All of this is not to say that I cannot just enjoy things. Most if not all of my interests started from a spark of piqued casual interest: it is mostly time and level of enjoyment that shifts a like into an obsession. The rush of dopamine that I get from engaging with my favorite things must be addicting in my mind to a point where I cannot get enough, though every now and then an interest will make it through without turning into an obsession.

I love the Muppets franchise and most things that are Muppet related: Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog, Elmo and the cast of Sesame Street, and even more obscure Jim Henson projects like the Dark Crystal series are some of my favorite characters and shows to exist. This love has never turned to obsession, though, which I know because I am able to enjoy these characters and movies in a way that does not negatively affect my quality of life. That is my biggest indicator that something is not an obsession, a distinction that helps me navigate my involvement in all my hobbies and interests.

My obsessions are often chosen randomly by my brain: some things I really enjoy will stay casual, while other things become full-blown obsessions in a sudden and short amount of time, and are often paired with compulsions. I often do not realize it is a problem until I come out the other side, or when I am already in the depths of it, so I try to have strategies and skills on hand to remedy these problems.

One of the ways I counter my obsessive tendencies is by not engaging with anything new, like not watching a TV show that I otherwise might enjoy. This is definitely one of the more hindering strategies I use to cope, as it limits me from learning about and exploring different things. Though I have gotten better about that, I do have other strategies to stay on the line between the extreme and the casual.

My best deployment of these strategies is in my relationships. Just like anything else, my close friendships can be a point of obsession for me. The hours after spending time with a loved one can turn into spirals of self-criticism and wondering if they are hanging out with someone else and why not me, to name some examples. Overwhelming emotions often follow overwhelming thoughts, keeping me trapped in the same spiral. However, I can stop or slow down the spiral by acknowledging what are specifically "fear thoughts" and countering them with facts.

While I have more practice with the interpersonal strategies, these skills are similar to the set I have to fighting other obsessions. After engaging with something I enjoy, I make sure to spend time getting back to myself, both allowing the processing of the thing I love while also preparing to set it aside for a while. Though I am not always consistent or perfect in executing these strategies, I find they are most helpful in permitting me to still have likes and try new things while not sacrificing my mental and/or physical health to their pursuit.

Obsession and enjoyment are ideas that I battle with constantly, and is something I know others can have problems with too. It is important to overall health to have things you enjoy, even if obsession can be a detrimental derailing of that, so it is necessary to keep the line in check. Most importantly, however, you need to be kind to yourself no matter how much you engage with what you love, something I definitely have worked on and will probably work on always, obsession or not.